Let’s be real—when you hear “traditional marriage values,” your first thought might be “Ugh, sounds like something from the 1950s.” You picture giant poodle skirts, a two-car garage, and your dad asking, “Honey, where’s my dinner?” every night. But in reality, teaching traditional marriage values isn’t about getting stuck in the past. It’s about giving your kids a sturdy foundation for future relationships in a world that seems determined to redefine everything about love, commitment, and family.
So, how do you teach traditional marriage values in a way that doesn’t make your kids roll their eyes so hard they see their own brain? (Hint: Keep it fun, relatable, and totally not like a lecture from Aunt Gertrude at Thanksgiving.) Here’s how to pass on these classic principles while making sure they’re actually excited to learn about the importance of love, respect, and lifelong commitment.
1. Talk About the “Why” of Marriage (And Not Just the “Where’s the Cake?”)
First things first: Marriage isn’t just about the wedding day (even though we know the cake is the most important part). It’s about building a life together with someone, choosing to stick through thick and thin, and creating a family that works as a team. So, instead of just explaining marriage as a “commitment,” take the time to talk about why commitment is important.
- Real-Life Example: “You know how we all work together as a family to get the laundry done or take care of the yard? Well, marriage is a lot like that, except instead of yard work, you’re taking care of each other. You’re making sure the other person feels loved, respected, and supported. It’s like having a best friend who’s also your teammate—and there’s no quitting the team, even when things get tough.”
- The “Teamwork” Lesson: “Just like we all take turns cleaning up the kitchen (or at least pretend we do), married couples take turns supporting each other—whether it’s by making dinner, watching the kids, or just listening after a hard day. It’s not about doing everything by yourself, it’s about being a team.”
This will help them see that marriage isn’t just an outdated “contract”—it’s about building a partnership that helps everyone grow and thrive.
2. Highlight the Importance of Respect and Communication
One of the best things about teaching kids about marriage is that you can show them what it really means to treat someone with respect. Respect isn’t just about holding the door open or saying “please” and “thank you”—it’s about genuinely valuing your partner’s thoughts, opinions, and feelings, and making sure they know they matter.
- The Golden Rule for Marriage: “Marriage is all about treating someone like you want to be treated. It’s like when you’re playing video games and you don’t hog all the turns. If you want the other person to listen to you, you have to listen to them too. No one likes being ignored!”
- Communication is Key: “You know how we always talk about stuff, whether it’s how your day went or the random thoughts you had during math class? Well, in marriage, communication is extra important. Imagine trying to build a treehouse without telling your partner what the plan is—there would be a lot of random nails and a lot of falling. In marriage, you have to talk through your problems, share your thoughts, and make sure you’re both on the same page.”
If your kids can understand that marriage requires both communication and respect, they’ll be way ahead of the game when it comes to future relationships. Plus, they’ll see that real love isn’t about grand gestures or big speeches—it’s about listening and respecting each other’s feelings.
3. Lead by Example: Be the Love You Want to See in Your Kids
Okay, this one’s the tricky part. Your kids aren’t just listening to your lectures about marriage values—they’re watching your every move. If you and your spouse have a relationship based on love, respect, and trust, your kids will absorb those values like a sponge. So, be the living, breathing example of what you want them to know!
- Love in Action: “You see how your mom/dad and I laugh together, or how we’re there for each other when things get hard? That’s marriage. It’s about being partners, no matter what. Some days are easier than others (hello, Tuesday mornings), but we keep going because we’re committed to each other.”
- Teamwork in Action: “When we disagree on something, we don’t yell or give each other the silent treatment (well, except when I’m stealing the covers). We talk it through because that’s what married couples do. We show each other love through our actions—not just with words.”
Kids learn so much by seeing how you treat each other. The little moments—like making your spouse coffee in the morning or holding hands while you’re waiting for the movie to start—teach your kids that affection, compromise, and care are at the heart of a lasting marriage.
4. Teach Them About Sacrifice (Without the Drama)
It’s easy to tell your kids about love and marriage, but sometimes the truth about marriage involves a little less romantic comedy and a little more real-life sacrifice. Marriage isn’t always about candlelit dinners and spontaneous weekend getaways—it’s also about making choices that put your partner’s needs before your own at times.
- A Simple Example: “Remember when we had to stay home last weekend instead of going to the park because one of us had a work project? Sometimes, marriage means making sacrifices—like not doing something fun for yourself so you can help your partner. But it’s worth it because that’s what partners do!”
- Sacrificing for the Team: “It’s like when you let your brother or sister pick the TV show, even though you wanted to watch something else. Sometimes, being in a marriage is about making small sacrifices for the greater good—like sharing the remote, but on a much bigger scale!”
By showing them that love involves giving and taking—and sometimes giving a little more—you’re teaching them that marriage is a partnership built on mutual support, not just on winning arguments or getting what you want.
5. Let Them See the Fun Side of Marriage
Marriage isn’t all serious discussions and deep heart-to-hearts (thank goodness, right?). It’s also about having fun, enjoying each other’s company, and celebrating the little moments. So don’t forget to show your kids that marriage can be full of joy and laughter—after all, your relationship with your spouse is meant to be a source of happiness!
- The Fun Stuff: “You see how your mom/dad and I like to joke around, play games, or sometimes do absolutely nothing together? That’s part of marriage too! It’s not all about being perfect—it’s about laughing, having fun, and enjoying life together.”
- Don’t Take It Too Seriously: “Marriage is like a road trip. Sometimes it’s smooth sailing, sometimes you get lost, but the best part is that you’re in it together, and you can make the journey fun.”
The goal here is to show them that while marriage is a commitment, it’s also an adventure filled with memories, laughter, and the occasional inside joke that only the two of you get.
6. Teach Them About the Big Picture: Legacy, Family, and Love
At the end of the day, marriage is about more than just the two people involved—it’s about the legacy they create together. It’s about building a strong, loving family and creating an environment where children can thrive, feel safe, and know what true love looks like.
- Building a Family: “Marriage isn’t just about the two of us—it’s about creating a family that loves, supports, and helps each other grow. It’s about building traditions, making memories, and being there for each other no matter what.”
- Legacy: “One day, you’ll have your own family, and we hope you’ll carry these values with you—respect, love, sacrifice, and teamwork. We want you to have a marriage that’s full of joy, just like ours is.”
Conclusion: Teaching Traditional Marriage Values Without the ‘Old-Fashioned’ Label
Teaching your kids about traditional marriage values isn’t about turning them into little old-fashioned romantics (unless they want to be, and hey, no judgment). It’s about giving them the tools to understand that love, commitment, and respect are timeless virtues that never go out of style. When you lead by example, keep things fun, and teach them that marriage is both a joy and a responsibility, they’ll be well on their way to creating strong, lasting relationships of their own someday.
So go ahead—teach your kids about traditional marriage values. And don’t forget to enjoy the ride—because, as they say, it’s not just about the destination, it’s about who you get to share it with. (And, okay, maybe a little bit about the cake.)